The Band Geek Strikes Back
by The Pirates of Lake Erie
Summary: Tired of being scorned by a bunch of freshmen, a longtime band geek finally snaps and puts his plans for world domination into motion. Action! Love! Violence! Adventure! Porta Potties!
1. One

The Band Geek Strikes Back

Disclaimer Believe it or not, Jebediah Sprankle, Lola, Melvin and Zelda are all our own creations. You cannot use them, kidnap them, or plot against them without our explicit written permission. 

Jebediah Sprankle was your average disgruntled thirteen year old male clarinet player. He sat slouched in his seat, sending glares that would've blistered roadkill at his band director. Said band director took no notice, as he was too busy interpreting what Mozart might _really have meant when he wrote that A flat. Meanwhile, Jeb sat and steamed. He hated band. He hated the clarinet, and he hated Mozart. Even though he  hated the clarinet, he had learned several years before that it was handy for one thing. When played improperly (and improperly was the only way Jeb knew how to play the thing) the noises that could be produced on a clarinet were enough to shatter the eardrums of any nearby listeners. _

This was good for Jeb, because ever since he had hit his teens, he had been going through an intense period of angst, and had had an unquenchable desire to rule all the peoples of the free world (third world countries need not apply) with an iron hand. He had quickly learned that if he were to produce a few tortured sounds on the clarinet, the innocent nearby listeners would do almost anything to make him stop. Armed with this knowledge, he began to form his plans on how he was going to take over the world…

Suddenly, sick of hearing his band director's interpretation of Mozart, he stood up, put his clarinet to his lips…and blew.

The hundred-odd band members in the room turned around in shock and horror. The awful noise that filled their ears brought them to their knees.

"Please stop!" one poor oboe player plead. Jeb narrowed his eyes and turned his clarinet bell in her direction. She dropped to the floor, motionless. Excitement rushed through Jeb. His plan was working. Finally, the band director screamed,

"Please, we'll do whatever you want." Those were the magic words that Jebediah Sprankle wanted to hear. He stopped playing. He raised an eyebrow.

"Anything?" An evil smirk twisted his face.

"Zelda! Get down and cover your ears!" Melvin dropped his saxophone and tackled his friend Zelda, who was sitting beside him. He shoved his fingers in his ears and she did the same. They watched in stunned silence as Jebediah, the last-chair clarinet player, stood up, and put his horn in his mouth. The nanosecond Mel heard the terrible squeak came from the clarinet, he acted. He had been preparing for this thing his entire life…or at least since he'd learned to read. All his books on how to be a superhero said that the only way to defeat a supervillian (which he was sure Jeb was) was to first resist his plot to enslave the population of the free world. He watched in stunned horror as Lola, the oboe player, was knocked unconscious by Jeb's playing. 

The band director seemed to be pleading for his life, and Jeb stopped playing. Cautiously, Mel took his fingers out of his ears. When he did, he heard the band director saying,

"I'll do whatever you want, just please stop playing!"

"Anything?" asked Jeb.

"Yes, anything." Jeb seemed to think for moment. "You will all be my servants. We will make the rest of the citizens of the world our peons. You will all do whatever I wish. Do you understand? If you don't I will start playing again."

"Yes," said the band director. Then he turned to the band. "You all heard him, We will serve Jebediah." All the band members except Lola (because she was unconscious) agreed with a falsely hearty cheer. To Zelda , who stood beside him, Mel whispered softly,

"We have to stop him." Zelda nodded. 

"We have to save Lola, too. She won't go along with his plans." Jebediah had begun to speak again.

"You will all follow me and do exactly as I say. Now, everyone file out of the bandroom." He motioned to Mel. 

"You, take that oboe player and revive her." Mel did as he was told. He gently slapped Lola until she came around. Then he whispered to her,

"Lola, listen. Jeb has decided to take over the world. Zelda and I are going to try to stop him but we need your help. Okay?" A little woozily, Lola nodded, then fainted again. Mel slung her over his shoulder.

"She'll be fine, sir, she just needs some air," he said to Jebediah. Jeb gave him cross look, but said nothing. As the band, now under the control of the geek turned dictator, filed out, Mel and Zelda slipped away, dragging Lola. 

A few weeks later…

Jeb sat at his desk, which was made out of a pile of greasy pizza boxes. The screen of his laptop cast a faint glow on his acne-pocked skin. He sat back, and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. He, the geeky sophomore had taken over the world. He sighed with satisfaction. He now controlled the entire world…well, except for the three pesky kids who had gotten away. They must have slipped out while he wasn't looking. It was too bad, because he had taken Lola, the unbelievably hot oboe player with them. She was so beautiful, with her pale skin and greasy blond pigtails. Her braces gleamed when smiled and she always looked so vulnerable and cute when she was sucking on her inhaler in the middle of an onslaught of asthma. She was his one true love, and he would stop at nothing to get her.

Suddenly, he snapped out of his fantasy and the sharp scent of human excrement filled his rather large nostrils. Maybe making his Headquarters of World Domination in the porta-potty had not been such a great idea after all. Especially since someone was urgently knocking on the door. He quickly stepped out, apologized to the man waiting outside for making him wait. Now, he was off to find those pesky _freshmen**. He not only take over the world, but gain his one true love as well.**_

Authors' Notes Congratulations! You've made it through Chapter One! We would like only to say that no geeks were harmed in the making of this story, and we DO NOT mean to insult anyone. (Us? Insult anyone?) So no nasty reviews on how we are so mean to geeks. We wouldn't be making fun of them if we weren't dorky ourselves. J


	2. Two

DisclaimerYep, we own 'em all.

Zelda, Melvin and Lola had been sitting in deep thought for some time now. Though they had been trying for weeks to come up with a plan to free the people enslaved by Jebediah, they could not think of anything. Jeb was just too powerful, and besides, he had his horrible clarinet to drive away all his enemies. Mel looked around his gloomy surroundings. A few weeks ago, when Jeb had risen to power, they had fled to a cave in Afghanistan, knowing they would never be found. While it was a very nice cave, Mel missed his home, as well as hearing the English language. 

"The key to getting rid of Jeb is to find his weakness. Every evil overlord must have a weakness." Zelda had a point. Lola looked at her. 

"Jeb plays the clarinet. He can't have any weakness." Zelda frowned.

"She's right, you know." Mel looked at Lola and then chewed a filthy fingernail in deep thought. He seemed to remember old Jeb being especially mad when he and some other boys had made fun of him for liking a girl, way back in the fourth grade, before Jeb's superior intellect had been discovered and he was moved up two grades to compensate. The only problem was that Mel couldn't remember which girl it was…

He was pulled out of his train of thought by a loud yell from Zelda, who had been watching the events of the world on the tiny black-and-white TV they'd managed to obtain. Reception was surprisingly good, considering they were surrounded by many feet of solid rock on all sides.

"Jeb's taken over Canada! This is horrible! Now he has conquered the entire world! We should do something fast." She looked at Mel. Mel looked at Lola. They all stared at one another for a good five minutes before they realized what was happening. Mel shook himself. He hadn't previously noticed how beautiful Zelda's eyes were…such a lovely…hazel? Ahhh, the color of fresh mud on a rainy day. Then, as he was staring into Zelda's gorgeous eyes, his memory was jogged. The girl Jebediah Sprankle had a crush on was named…

"Lola…" Jeb murmured her name to himself to calm his frazzled nerves. He'd never expected Canada to put up such a fight. The name of his beloved had a calming effect on him. Just then, there was a knock on the door of his porta-potty turned office. 

"It's me, Mr. Dingles, your loyal second-in-command."

"Come in," said Jeb. The door creaked open, and in stepped the former band director, Mr. Dingles. He had one hand over his eyes. Jeb rolled his eyes.

"Dingles, I'm using the porta-potty as an office…not as a porta-potty. I'm wearing pants!" Dingles dropped his hand and grinned. 

"Sorry, sir. I just wanted to tell you that I've found us someone who swears his undying loyalty. He also says that he is rather enjoying your reign of absolute power, and would be honored to be made a member of your staff." Jeb raised an eyebrow.

"Well, who is he?" Dingles cracked the door and called,

"Francis, come on in!" Soon enough, in walked a large, strong-looking boy of sixteen, with blond hair. He had his hand over his eyes. Dingles tapped him on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Francis immediately dropped his hand. Then he saluted sharply, hitting himself square in the eye. As he rubbed the bruise, Jeb sized him up.

"Francis plays tuba, sir," said Dingles. Jeb chuckled. The boy was drooling a bit, and had a rather goofy smile.

"Well, that explains a lot," said Jeb. "Francis, you are now my personal bodyguard. Your duties consist of charging my cell phone and making coffee. And protecting me from…well whatever I need to be protected from. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" Francis grinned lopsidedly, and this time he managed to salute without bashing himself in the eye. 

"Good boy," said Jeb.

In the meantime, while Jeb was busy ruling the world he'd recently acquired, and Zelda, Lola and Melvin were busy trying to get it back, the poor enslaved people suffered greatly at the hands of Jeb. They were forced to do horrible tasks for his enjoyment, such as work complex mathematical equations, or were tortured for his pleasure. Unfortunately, the torture was most cruel, and many were never the same after they had experienced the event. Many later told stories of how they had been forced to listen to Britney Spears for hours upon endless hours, or how they had to drink Diet  Mountain Dew. Jeb was indeed a cruel and heartless leader, and the millions forced into his service saw little or no hope for what should have bee a bright future.

Mel awoke with a start, and such a violent one that he nearly fell off his sleeping pallet. As weird as it sounded, even to him, his inspiration on how to defeat Jeb had come to him in a dream. He thought about it in the dark silence, and it returned to him, clear as day…

_Mel was frolicking in a field full of daffodils, in the warm summer sun. A cool breeze was in his hair, and he held a cold can of Mountain Dew, that sweet elixir of life. All was well with the world. He had Zelda, he had a Mountain Dew, what could be better? Then, suddenly, into his lovely field of daffodils walked a giant pink bunny. Mel's heart was full of fear, for as a child, he had once had his favorite TV program interrupted for a stupid commercial about a pink bunny. Ever since, he had hated bunnies. Just as he was about to turn and flee for his life, Lola came into his lovely field of daffodils, and scared the bunny away. All was well again, except that he now realized that his dream had a deeper meaning. He decided that this sucked and so woke up…_

Yes, Mel had now remembered who Jeb had had a crush on. Lola. Beautiful, fair, lovely…Lola?! Mel shook his head. _To each his own, I suppose…but Lola? Yes, they did have a lot in common. An idea suddenly sprang into his head. To get to Jeb, they had to use Lola…but the question was, how?_

Author's Notes Yes, we are well aware that Jeb is just a tad young to be a sophomore. So, instead of fixing our gross error and reposting the story, we've just covered the gaping plot hole with an equally bad explanation! Also, we mean absolutely no offense to tuba players, I live with one, therefore I can make fun of them. I mean, just because we haven't met any tuba players that also have brains doesn't mean there aren't any out there! 


	3. Three

Disclaimer Unfortunately, we do not own Mountain Dew, Lara Croft, or Pikachu. Fortunately, we don't own _Seventeen. But we have borrowed them and will return them mostly unharmed. _

"Lola, you are going to help us save the world." Lola looked at Melvin. Lola's head jerked up from where she'd been reading the latest issue of _Seventeen. Her eyes were wide behind her thick glasses. _

"What do you mean, Mel? How will I do that?" Melvin stood and cleared his throat. 

"You, Lola, are going to infiltrate his secret Headquarters, and then you are going to convince him that violence is not the answer." Lola looked at him.

"But why me? Why not send Zelda? Or why don't you go?" Mel sighed and put his head in his hands in mock exasperation. 

"Lola, Lola, Lola. Don't you see? Haven't you ever watched any action movies? The good guys (that's us) always send a secret agent to infiltrate the enemy's base. You are our secret agent." 

Lola thought for a second. She wasn't so sure she could carry out the task she'd just been assigned. Ever since she'd first laid eyes on him, she had had the biggest crush on Jebediah Sprankle. His pale, acne-speckled skin, his huge feet and buck teeth. The way he ran his tongue over his braces to dislodge some stray particle of food. Just seeing him made her wheeze, and even at that moment as she was merely thinking about him, her hand made its way to where she had put her inhaler.

"All right, I'll do it. I'll save the world from most evil of foes, Jebediah Sprankle."

Jeb sat in his office thinking. He had heard some nasty rumors as of late that a certain group of people had been plotting against him. He knew exactly who they were. They were the three who had gotten away, Melvin and Zelda the saxophonists, and Lola. He had to do something immediately. They had to be stopped. They were the only three people on Earth he didn't control absolutely. His brilliant mind worked quickly, trying to come up with a way to assimilate them as well. Unfortunately, his brilliant mind had missed one minor but very important detail. He didn't know where they were.

"Francis! Get in here now! I have a job for you." Almost immediately, Francis appeared, drooling as usual. He held a pickle in one hand and a can of Mountain Dew in the other. 

"Yes sir?" As he saluted, brine from the pickle flew into his eye, and he squeaked with pain. He frantically tried to rub it out of his eye, but that only made things worse. Jeb sighed impatiently. It was hard to get good help these days.

"Francis, there are only three people standing between me and total world domination. They are hiding somewhere. I am sending you to find them, and when you do, you must bend them to your will. They may be armed and very dangerous, so be careful." Francis looked confused. 

"Uh, sir, where should I start? The world is an awfully big place to look for three people." 

"You should start in Oregon."

"Why Oregon, sir?" Jeb shrugged.

"It sounds like a good place. Remember, you must move fast. You have the whole planet to cover, and I'm sure even as we speak, they are plotting to overthrow me." Francis snapped to attention.

"Yes sir!' Then as, as he turned sharply on his heel to leave, he smacked face-first into the doorjamb, he collapsed rather limply to the floor. Jeb put his head in his hands and sighed.

Lola was busy surfing the web on her laptop( surprisingly, the cave had a phone line) when she came across a news bulletin.

**SPRANKLE'S ABSOLUTE CONTROL 99.999999999995% COMPLETE!**

Angry dictator still pursues the three who got away

Lola gasped in horror. Jeb was after them! She jumped off of the milk crate that was serving as her chair, her knee upsetting the second milk crate which was serving as her desk. She managed to grab her laptop before it hit the floor, and for a few seconds she simply stood there, making sure it wasn't damaged. 

Mel and Zelda came running in, hand in hand. Zelda looked frightened.

"Lola! What's going on? Are you okay? Where's the intruder?" Lola blushed.

"Um, sorry Mel, but I just knocked over my, er, desk." She motioned to the crate. Mel breathed a sigh of relief. Lola opened up the laptop to show him the news. When Mel saw it, his eyes went wide.

"He's after us! We need to put our plan into action as soon as possible. Lola, your infiltration training begins today."

A few days later…

Francis stepped off his plane and looked around. He wasn't exactly sure where he was, but in the distance, he could see a huge oil derrick. He picked up his bags, and began to walk. Now, where would three people trying to thwart the plans of an evil overlord be hiding. He was brought out of his thoughts by a squeak down by his left ankle. He looked down, and saw a small, yellow rodent-ish creature with a long tail in the shape of a lightning bolt.

"What are you?" he asked.

"Pika?" The thing replied.

"Pika? Whassa Pika?" Just then, the thing's eyes went huge. A look of fear crossed its face. It quickly turned and began to run. Wondering why the animal had suddenly fled, he turned around in the direction it had looked. He saw a woman running, screaming. 

"You stupid little rodent! Get back here!" Gunshots danced around his feet, and Francis jumped back.

"What the…?" As she came nearer, he recognized her. It was the famous archaeologist, Lara Croft. When he got a better look at her, his salivary glands began working overtime, and he had to wipe his chin. She ran right by him, guns blazing. 

"Wait," he called. However, she didn't hear him. Disappointed, he turn back around resumed wondering how he was going to find what he was looking for. As he looked around, his eye caught a blinking sign. Though his French was rather bad, he knew the wording meant "food," and where there was food, there was Francis.

"Ah, Jeb can wait. I'm in Paris, and I'm hungry!" With that, Francis made a beeline to the restaurant. 

Author's Notes Many thanks to the reviewers. But remember, the more the merrier. Also, for those of you who did not understand the random entrances of Lara Croft and Pikachu, there are two very wonderful stories (that just so happen to be written by us) that explain it all. So, since you took the time to read this story, might as well take the thirty seconds to leave a donation in the little box at the bottom of your screen!


	4. Four

Authors'Notes After a bit of a hiatus, we have returned with more of our epic saga "The Band Geek Strikes Back." Now in full stereo and Technicolor! You can purchase the soundtrack  (recorded in stereo separation) from us at www.moredeadromandudes.trajan.com! Oh yes…we're supposed to be telling a story here…on with it, then!

Lola looked up at the towering building above her. Taking a deep drag on her inhaler, she slowly breathed out and steadied her nerves. Gripping the line she had cast upward, she began to scale the north side or the building. As she ascended, she talked to herself.

            "Handholds…footholds…don't look down…. Hmmm…what a nice building…high quality granite, flying buttresses a nice touch…don't look down…" This self-pep talk seemed to help her to conquer her deathly fear of heights. She was a good halfway up when suddenly, one tightly-laced combat boot slipped on a particularly smooth piece of granite. Down went Lola…

            Her worst fears realized, Lola prepared to die an awful death on the pavement below. As she fell, one thought filled her mind. _I forgot to feed my fish!  She saw the pavement rushing up at her…__ This is what I'm thinking before I die?! What about my undying devotion to Jeb? Alas, a love that could never be!  With this last thought, Lola shut her eyes…_

            Francis lowered his camera and admired the scenery. Having only arrived in Egypt a few hours ago, he decided that he was going to do all his sight seeing before he went to look for the conspirators against Jeb. The pyramids at sunset sure were nice…

            Well, it sure _was nice, but he had work to do. Heading back into town, he decided to rent a camel. They seemed to be the hip mode of transportation here in the desert. He stopped by the local Rent-A-Camel and borrowed a very nice camel named Bill. As he was making his way through town, munching a squab-on-a-stick, he ran headlong into another mounted rider. _

            "Hey! Watch it man! This ain't my camel!" Francis looked up angrily at the offensive rider. To his shock, he realized that it was the woman he'd met in France. She seemed to remember him too, and simultaneously they yelled, 

            "You!"  The woman looked angry. 

            "Just when I get rid of one rat, another comes along!" Francis did not quite understand her snide remark, and looked at her with a confused stare. 

            "You hurt Bill!" he exclaimed.

            "I did no such thing. You ran your camel into me." Francis took offense to this, and very unwisely decided to kick the woman in the shin. When he saw her hand move to the pistol she wore, he turned and kicked his camel into high gear. 

            "Come back here you pansy!" Lara shouted. She wasted no time in giving chase. Kicking up a large cloud of dust, she followed Francis through crowded back alleys and narrow streets. Francis, now terrified of what this madwoman would do to him if she caught him, guided his camel up a narrow ramp. Looking over his shoulder, he saw her close behind. Not having taken the time to figure out where the ramp he had taken led to, he found himself on top of a high roof. He had no time to stop, and went skidding right off the edge. Lara came to a halt and watched as Francis, camel and all fell into the dusty street below. 

            Zelda and Melvin  sat anxiously in their cave in Afghanistan awaiting a message from Lola. The were both quite worried, as they knew that if they did not hear from Lola soon, they could assume the worst had happened…Lola had been captured by Jeb.  Zelda tapped her laptop impatiently. As she tapped, she looked discreetly at Melvin. He looked very tired. She had never noticed how nice his eyes were…kind of a pale blue, accented by the deep bags underneath.  He was staring intently at the wall. She glanced over and saw nothing but dripping water. She glanced back at her laptop. Still no word from Lola.

            She glanced back at the monotonously dripping water, and noticed that now it was dripping faster, and the drops were getting bigger. Melvin did not seem to  notice, just blinked those blue eyes of his. In fact, he seemed to be falling asleep.

            Bored, Zelda flipped to the internet newspaper. In large print the headline read, 

**United States**** Military to ****Flood****Caves**** in ****Afghanistan******

She looked nervously back over at the dripping water, which had now become a steady stream. With a shock of horror, she turned to Mel and screamed,

            "MEL! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! THEY'RE FLOODING THE CAVES!!!" Mel looked at her, blinked, and went back to staring at the wall. A few seconds passed, then her announcement seemed to register.

            "OH MY GOD! WE'RE GOING TO DROWN! QUICK! HOW DO WE GET OUT!!!?" Zelda had to think for a second about this.

            "Uh…straight forward, then left…no, maybe it was right…I don't know! I can't remember!" Tears filled her eyes. She had not planned on dying in a cave in Afghanistan…especially not at the hands of her own country's military! Suddenly, the water rose to ankle-depth and was still coming in fast. Zelda grabbed her laptop and sprinted for the nearest exit (which happened to be straight and to the left). Melvin was not far behind.  As they ran through mazelike tunnels, Melvin became more and more panicked. He was going to die! He grabbed Zelda's hand and led her on. They burst into a small antechamber. They were trapped. He pulled Zelda around to face him.

            "Zelda," he began. The water was rushing in. "We are going to die here, and I just want you to know that I'm very sorry for getting you into all this. I also want you to know…" he trailed off as he felt the cold water rise to his chest. Zelda was holding her laptop over her head. Her eyes were full of worry.

            "What, Melvin? We don't have time for this!" Melvin suddenly felt ill. Here he was, about to die, and he didn't even have the guts to tell Zelda that he adored her ore than Marie Curie adored radioactivity. 

            "Zelda, I… oh, screw it!" And then, in the single bravest action he'd ever performed in his life,  he grabbed Zelda and mashed his lips into hers. To his surprise, she kissed him back.  Shocked and quite pleasantly surprised, Mel forgot all about the rising water and their impending doom. The two were so distracted that they didn't even notice the bright light overhead, or the faint whirring noise that was getting louder…

Ha! And you were expecting a nice, happy ending to this chapter! Well, not so fast. You'll just have to keep reading… Oh yes, we had a complaint or two that this fic did not involve enough band. So, if nerdy bandos and annoying clarinets aren't band enough for you, here is a real, live marching band drill!

Mark time 4, In 16, mark time 48, in 24, home 12, mark time 8, home 8, mark time 16, home 8, mark time 4, to concert.

Any other complaints will be disregarded and immediately flushed! (But nice, friendly reviews are very welcome J)


	5. Five

Authors' Notes: Well, we're not dead (sorry to disappoint you.) In fact we're doing quite well and even have more band geek. So without further adieu, here is the next exciting installment in our epic er, short story.

Melvin and Zelda stood in the middle of a cornfield, slightly dazed. Overhead a dim green light was fading into the distance. Mel looked at Zelda carefully. She did not look hurt, but she seemed afraid.

"Are you alright?" he asked. Zelda blinked.

"Fine. But I can't remember anything. Just a bunch of lights. Kind of like a crazy disco or something." She shifted her shoulders a bit and winced. "I feel like I've been dancing all night." Mel frowned. He seemed to remember wild lights and loud music as well. And somewhere in there he could have sworn he saw some little green men. Or was it grey? He wasn't sure.

"Zelda, I think we were abducted by aliens." Zelda's eyes grew huge.

"Well, that would explain the light and flying saucer."

"I don't understand why they made us dance though." Zelda chewed her lip in thought.

"Maybe they just were lonely and wanted to have a good time." Melvin shrugged. They hadn't been harmed in any way. Perhaps Zelda was right. 

"Well, whatever happened, we aren't in Afghanistan any more. We need to find out where we are." He looked around. The cornfield was huge, tall stalks stretching as far as he could see. He looked up at the sky, until he found the brightest star. He pointed.

"If I knew how to navigate by the stars we could follow the north star and get somewhere. But I don't." He looked at Zelda, suddenly afraid. 

"_We're lost!" _

Bill the camel, ever faithful, licked the face of the unconscious Francis for the twenty-first time. The teenager showed no sign of waking up, but seemed to be enjoying the attention, because he would giggle whenever Bill licked him. Suddenly, Bill was interrupted by a low humming and bright green light. As the camel watched helplessly, Francis' motionless body slowly began to levitate.

The confused camel looked up as Francis began to ascend. Overhead something that vaguely resembled a flying dinner plate hovered. Francis was slowly being sucked in by a tractor beam! When Francis disappeared inside the saucer, Bill lowered his head and gave what could very accurately be described as a sob. 

Jebediah sighed and put his feet on his desk. In the process, he nearly kicked out the wall. With a sigh he stood up and nearly cracked his head open on the light fixture. 

"This office is too small! I need more leg room! Dingles! Get in here!" A flustered Mr. Dingles ran in and saluted.

"Yes my liege! Anything you wish for! I live to serve." He bowed his head, awaiting orders.

"My office is too small, Dingles. I want a new one. Find me a new office!" Dingles looked up.

"Right away, sir. Anything else I can do for you?" Jeb stroked his chin in deep thought. 

"No. But my new HQ must have a pool. And I want it full of thousand island salad dressing." Dingles looked at him curiously. A pool full of thousand island dressing? How curious!

"Of course, your highness. Right away." Dingles hurried off, already dialing numbers on his cell phone. 

Jeb carefully resumed his seat and picked his clarinet up from where it sat on the desk. Stroking it lovingly, he chanted his word domination plans over and over again.

"I'm going to take over the world, aren't I? Yesss… and no pesky saxophonists will stop me…yesss, precioussss….world domination…"

Lola, who had been falling for what felt to her like an eternity, landed with a sticky _splat _in something wet and viscous. The stuff filled her eyes and coated her clothing and she choked as she inhaled some. Sitting up, she was pleasantly surprised to find that she was not dead. In fact, she seemed completely unharmed. She spat out some of the goo she had landed in and realized that it tasted familiar. Picking some up on her finger she sniffed at it, then put it in her mouth. She realized that it was salad dressing…thousand island to be exact.

She wiped more of it out of her eyes and peered over the edge of the truck bed. They were moving very fast, too fast for her to jump out. Deciding that wherever they were going might have a place to get some of the dressing off of her, she leaned back against the truck bed and settled in for a long ride. 

Jeb looked around his new headquarters with a satisfied smirk. Buckingham Palace sure was a nice place. And it even had a pool! The interior, however, would need a bit of work. But that could be done in time. Right now he had to supervise the filling of his pool with thousand island dressing. 

He walked outside onto the pool deck and watched as the large dump truck spilled gallons dressing into the empty pool. His one true dream was fulfilled now. He had a pool full of thousand island salad dressing. He produced a very rumpled piece of paper and and a pen. At the top of the paper, the words "Dreams to Fulfill" was written. He crossed of number two. Most everything else was crossed off as well, except the first line. But that would come soon. Now that he was in charge of the world, he could have everything he wanted. 

As the truck finished dumping, a splatter of thousand island dressing hit him in the face. Miffed, he was about to yell at Dingles to yell at the truck driver when he saw a figure coming out of the pool. Though coated thoroughly with salad dressing, he instinctively knew who it was. As the person tried to scrape off some of the gook, his suspicions were confirmed. His heart sped up, pounding like an out of control locomotive racing at terrific speed toward a rickety old bridge without any chance of…well, his heart was really pounding. Hardly daring to believe what stood before him, he said,

"Lola?" The person's head turned. There was a long pause (due mostly to the fact that she was still trying to get the dressing out of her eyes and off of her glasses) and she spoke.

"Jeb?"

Note: We don't know what noise a camel makes. If you know, please be kind and share your knowledge. (You might even get your name in the credits!) Also we haven't been to Buckingham Palace either so we're just kind of making stuff up. 


End file.
